The purpose of life...is to dance! dance! dance!

Some might say that dancing is a frivolous act. I have come to believe that it is essential to life.

And by dancing, I mean all kinds, from the professional performing in a ballet to the amateur sliding across the living room floor in his socks (you know who you are!).

In New York City recently, my friend Ambika taught a group of us how to Bollywood dance at The Open Center. I was very reluctant at first. Me? Bollywood dance?? But I had a little liquid encouragement and the warm and welcoming presence of my new friends. So I did it. And I was terrible! But I had so much fun.

No matter how old you are or how crazy life gets, don't forget to dance.

(This is my kind of Bollywood dancing)

Happy Spring (suck it winter!)

Spring in New York City. A weekend of intense meditation training with some incredibly beautiful people (along with some surprise Bollywood dancing!). And a birthday full of sleeping in, sightseeing, wine drinking, cake and cookie eating and blister getting.

All in all, probably the best birthday I've had in years.

Hello 36. You're lookin' good.

Immersion Training at The Interdependence Project

On the Bowery

Central Park

Red leaves in Central Park

Little Italy

Chinatown / Little Italy

Williamsburg, Brooklyn

(Currently listening to and loving Passion Pit - Cry Like A Ghost)

Questions to ask yourself if you're single (or not)

"Write about being single," my friend Phil said.

"Well, okay," I replied. "I think I can do that."

"So, how long have you been single?" I asked.

"Three months."

"Oh dear, is that all?"

I have been single for two years now. I think I'm starting to forget what it's like to be in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I've met some fabulous gentlemen during this time. But nothing has blossomed, for various reasons.

When you're single in a world where couples and young families are the norm (a.k.a. your thirties), it can be easy to fall prey to the question, What's wrong with me? And I admit, I have wrestled with this question for a very long time. But I have come to the conclusion that it is the wrong question.

Allow me to explain.

Almost everyone I know carries with them a deep-seated feeling that something is wrong with them, coupled or not. Even when I have been in relationships, I recall the feeling of not being quite right or of not feeling like enough. Being with someone does not make this feeling go away. Okay, at first, yes, it seems to magically disappear amongst all the lusty wonder of getting to know someone new. But then, like clockwork, the feeling that something is not quite right, rears its nasty head. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you meet a person who will stare down this nastiness with you (and even help you laugh about it). But ultimately, not even the sexiest man alive can save you from this very personal battle. All he can do is delay it for a little while with all his sexiness (not that there's anything wrong with that...ahem).

So, instead of torturing myself with the question, "What's wrong with me?" I've started to turn this question on its head and ask, "What would it be like to feel like a whole human being, regardless of my relationship status?" And, "What would it feel like to wake up every morning confident in my own skin, tender and openhearted?" Or, at the very least, "What would it feel like not to wake up to some ridiculous judgments that only make me feel small?"

I've had enough of not feeling like enough. Single or not. There is nothing wrong with me (there is nothing wrong with you).

(Currently listening to and in love with James Blake's voice. Listen.)

Some day

I go through waves. Of wanting and not wanting. Caring and not caring. For much of my adult life I have stated that I do not want kids. Maybe some day, I thought. When I'm older or when I'm established or when the time is right. Well, I am older now (and apparently should have had kids when I was 25).

So, sometimes I am overcome by the grief of realizing that I may never have children and I break down. Other times I am settled and okay with it.

Despite this realization, I am actually really happy with everything I am doing in my life right now. I am stoked that I get to participate in an intensive training program in meditation at The Interdependence Project and travel to New York six times out of the year (!). I get to do all kinds of fabulous things that get me fired up every morning. My life is full and fragrant and bursting.

But there is a part of me that feels increasingly disconnected from other women and this eats at me. Even the earth is referred to as a mother. Where does that leave me? If I am not a mother am I still not a woman? If I am not passing on my DNA, does that make me expendable?

Please don't get me wrong. I have an enormous amount of respect for what some of my friends go through every day. From what I can tell, being a parent looks like one of the most difficult and disgusting jobs in the world. Seriously.

I only wish there was a way for me to make peace with these questions.

Maybe one day.

In the City

I was lost. Somehow I had ended up on the other side of lower Manhattan, staring across the water at New Jersey. Which is never right. I looked down at the map on my phone one more time and felt my stomach flip. Tied up in knots and anxious about my first day of training at The Interdependence Project, I had walked in the opposite direction from where I was supposed to be.

Whoops.

So, I was a little late. But it was okay. A wise man (my Zen teacher) once told me that nervousness is simply another expression of excitement. If that is true, then, I was indeed very excited.

Just in case I have been at all vague about this training I am doing, allow me to elaborate a little bit. I am currently enrolled in the Yearlong Immersion and Instructor Training program at The Interdependence Project in New York City. Which means, I am deepening my meditation practice and my knowledge of Buddhism, as well as, gaining the skills necessary to teach and facilitate meditation (not to mention, meeting a bunch of awesome people who like to nerd out just like me). No small feat! But it is something very near and dear to my heart. I'll get the opportunity to travel here five more times throughout the year to further my training.

Oh, darn...

Chinatown

Brooklyn

The Interdependence Project

View of Manhattan

Lower Manhattan