"Write about being single," my friend Phil said.
"Well, okay," I replied. "I think I can do that."
"So, how long have you been single?" I asked.
"Oh dear, is that all?"
I have been single for two years now. I think I'm starting to forget what it's like to be in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I've met some fabulous gentlemen during this time. But nothing has blossomed, for various reasons.
When you're single in a world where couples and young families are the norm (a.k.a. your thirties), it can be easy to fall prey to the question, What's wrong with me? And I admit, I have wrestled with this question for a very long time. But I have come to the conclusion that it is the wrong question.
Allow me to explain.
Almost everyone I know carries with them a deep-seated feeling that something is wrong with them, coupled or not. Even when I have been in relationships, I recall the feeling of not being quite right or of not feeling like enough. Being with someone does not make this feeling go away. Okay, at first, yes, it seems to magically disappear amongst all the lusty wonder of getting to know someone new. But then, like clockwork, the feeling that something is not quite right, rears its nasty head. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you meet a person who will stare down this nastiness with you (and even help you laugh about it). But ultimately, not even the sexiest man alive can save you from this very personal battle. All he can do is delay it for a little while with all his sexiness (not that there's anything wrong with that...ahem).
So, instead of torturing myself with the question, "What's wrong with me?" I've started to turn this question on its head and ask, "What would it be like to feel like a whole human being, regardless of my relationship status?" And, "What would it feel like to wake up every morning confident in my own skin, tender and openhearted?" Or, at the very least, "What would it feel like not to wake up to some ridiculous judgments that only make me feel small?"
I've had enough of not feeling like enough. Single or not. There is nothing wrong with me (there is nothing wrong with you).
(Currently listening to and in love with James Blake's voice. Listen.)