In which I say no to a psychic and face an uncertain future

I was offered a reading by a very kind and highly regarded psychic recently. But I turned it down. Her conditions? Reasonable. But I just couldn't bring myself to agree to them.

This got me thinking, why do I really want a psychic reading anyway? What's really behind that?

At first, it was a desire to be seen. Which was quickly followed by the white hot fear of being seen.

Then, it was a desire to know. Because I have so many questions. Will I ever fall in love again? Will I ever make peace with my pain? Will I live a long life? Will I ever forgive myself for all the stupid things I've said and done?

It would be really nice to have a little certainty around these things, a clear path, or a loud and resounding YES!

Or would it?

Truth is, I already have an answer for these questions. It's a big fat "I don't know."

And for the first time in my life, I'm almost okay with this. I say almost because I'm sitting right in the (extremely uncomfortable) middle of completely accepting not knowing and being totally freaked out by not knowing. In this state, it's very tempting for me to think that knowing the answers to my questions will bring me peace and happiness. But. Then what?

What do you think? Would you want to know your future? Would it change anything?